We
all put on our costumes,
each day that we live,
although these vary from
time to time. On some days
we are the ranking generals
of life, authoritative and
commanding in both word and
presence, while other days
we are merely conciliatory
and meek.
We wear these uniforms each
day as we venture to our
jobs, only to remove them at
home, with those who see
right through the pretense
of that kind of role play,
as we assume dirty diaper
duty, chores, and taking out
the trash. God love ‘em, our
wives surely put up with
their role playing husbands,
while the men have to deal
with the feminine costumes
of mystique and intrigue
that keep a relationship
vital and a man in check.
And then there
are the moods we assume, stolen fragments from those characters we
admire and incorporate into our lives like a thief in the night. Men
are the most obvious in this regard – we like role play – reciting
the hero lines with intonation and conviction and wishing, albeit
fleetingly, that we were the role we desperately emulate; the hero
at the peak of power, before the struggle, before the fall and
certainly before the ruin.
We take on
habits from our youth and carry them through till our death, an
almost chameloid ability to be all things at once, certainly in our
youth, to being few things at all in our decades long marriages. In
the digital age, we can touch up with Photoshop, that which escapes
us; hair, physique, invulnerability. It is the latter that men
suffer most greatly from;
a
loss of strength that allows bullets to bounce harmlessly from them.
Age is a horrid disease in that regard. There is no cure, merely
philosophical interpretations of value that we cling to like a
religion.
What are we if
not the stuff of pixels? We can alter the appearance, and with some
work, convince ourselves that pixilation is magic. And why not;
women have perfected the art of illusionary balance for years. Only
now are men coming to terms with altering reality whether it be with
implanted hair follicles, butt lifts or makeup (thank you Michael
Jackson.) Still, that remains the costume that we wear, not the
reality we bear.
There is an old
saying that the hero who lingers ultimately becomes the villain, and
for men this is more true than for others. Men who die young are
remembered with much higher regard than those who live until the end
of time. Heroics demand that men die in battle, while in reality we
wish nothing more than a long life.
I’m not sure I
would sacrifice a few more years for the image of having died in my
prime.
I
felt sadness for Johnny Carson, once the icon of the media kingdom,
having retired, only to fade out, no longer the image of mainstream
American night life, but rather that of a man struggling to survive
emphysema. And I wondered whether it was better to keep the image or
the costume that he wore as the king of late night comedy and die
younger, or live the life without the costume and pass in the way
that he did.
We all wear our
costumes. I am no different. As a child, mine involved a bath towel
cape around my neck that allowed me to leap small steps in a single
bound, certain that one day my powers would erupt and my destiny,
apparent to only me, to become reality. Only now the tights would
look ridiculous as would the red underwear worn outside my pajamas.
Still, I grasp for my own costume that I wear each day, sometimes
one of strength, needing only the conviction of my heart, while on
others the support of those around me. In the end, I guess it
doesn’t matter what costumes we once owned. The time and the place
and the magic belong only to ourselves, and the memories can never
be stripped away, not even with Kryptonite manufactured by some bald
old bad guy. I can deal with it that way!
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We
all put on our costumes,
each day that we live,
although these vary from
time to time. On some days
we are the ranking generals
of life, authoritative and
commanding in both word and
presence, while other days
we are merely conciliatory
and meek. 
a
loss of strength that allows bullets to bounce harmlessly from them.
Age is a horrid disease in that regard. There is no cure, merely
philosophical interpretations of value that we cling to like a
religion.
